Downhill Side of Detox

I'm not doing any official product-related cleanse, or detox. I'm just putting good stuff in, and letting my body do its thing, until it feels better. Yesterday was ROUGH. I was tired, bloated, cranky, and I just wanted to eat All. The. Carbs. Right. Now.

But I pushed through. I didn't do yesterday perfectly, and that's okay. I did it better than the day before, and that's what I'm aiming to do. 

It might be in my imagination, but I already feel as though I'm less bloated. By no means toned and lean, let's not get crazy - but I feel as though I look a bit different. 

Yesterday I didn't actually go walking, but I played at the beach with the kiddos for an hour, which was nice. And nutritionally, I did okay. Not great generally, but considering my mental state, and the effort it took to NOT go on an eating rampage,  I'm calling it a victory. 

Today, I hit the treadmill, got disgustingly sweaty, and then ate lunch - a ham and cheese wrap. I know tonight's dinner (Yum Cha) is probably going to push me over, but I also know that I'm doing really well and it won't take heaps of effort to make it up. 

And that weight fluctuation thing? According to Nutrition Diva, it can go up or down by several pounds over several (or one!) days. Different people have different opinions about the scale, but I need the constant feedback to measure progress - so I like to weigh in every 2-3 days. 

Here's to a Healthy New Year! 

XO, Sarah

Day Two...

Otherwise known as - 
The Point at Which I Begin To Question WHY I'm Doing This To Myself

As expected, I am beginning to feel worse, which makes me want to eat lots of unhealthy things in unbelievable quantities to make myself feel better. This is something I refuse to do. I have to break this cycle of self-medicating with carbs, sugar, salt, and butter. Getting this "detox" out of the way while my husband is off work this week is a smart move. By next week, I should be feeling a bit better, which will help me to be on top of my game with the kiddos over summer holidays. 

Yesterday's successes: 

I made it to 5 veg and 2 fruit, and surprisingly it wasn't really that hard. 
I exercised.
I kept my food diary for the whole day. 
When everyone else had a yummy-looking doughnut for morning tea, I made a smoothie instead. 

Yesterday's "almost" successes:

I nearly got all my water intake.
I only had two occurrences of mindless eating. 

The Tofu Stir-Fry was tasty, though my stir-fry skills leave a bit to be desired. The recipe could have used a lot more spice, and it wasn't particularly well written. I'd try it again, but with my own seasoning. I think I could love stir-fry in general, with a bit more practice. And the biggest surprise of all was the tofu. I thought I'd hated it, but despite the fact it never browned (it stuck to the wok and crumbled), I liked it. I found it easier to eat than beef/pork strips, which tend to be a bit chewy and dense. Any wok experts out there (wok stars? HAHAHA), feel free to send me your tips!

Today's efforts - Boxing, continue with the food diary, 5veg/2fruit, and reach my daily water consumption. I was nearly there with the last one yesterday, so it should be easily achieved today. 

Also, I re-weighed myself this morning, and it was 85.1 - it's a pretty big difference for just a day and a half, and I doubt it's from actual loss. But how much does weight fluctuate in a day? I want to look into that, I think. 

I'll close this now, because breakfast (which I don't want to eat, but MAN, that whole "must eat breakfast" thing will get me every single time) is calling. Untoasted muesli, Light Greek Yogurt, tinned pears, and of course, coffee and vitamins. 

Have a great day, and make thoughtful choices, gang! 

XO, Sarah

Day One

Up with the sparrows, as the (somewhat modified) expression goes. 

No really, I was up with the sparrows this morning. I saw them on my walk. So I did not talk myself out of the walk. In fact, I sneaked out, and backed the car out of the driveway without turning on the engine. Like a teenager sneaking out at night. Except I'm a grown woman, sneaking out for a bit of exercise and time alone. Well, alone except for the sparrows anyway. After a walk, I went shopping, and got ingredients for tonight's dinner - tofu stir-fry. I've always been mildly curious about tofu. I want to like it, because I'm not a huge meat eater (although I have to say that the lamb at Christmas could convert any herbivore). So we'll see. 

When I got home, breakfast. Today was two eggs, scrambled with a cup of mushrooms and a handful of grape tomatoes. Oh, and coffee- but half the normal amount. It's probably an easy way to cut a few calories, and takes less time to drink than a giant soup bowl/mug of coffee. 

Also different, is a bottle of water with each meal. It helps me to feel full, reducing portion sizes, as well as keeping me hydrated and helping my body to function a bit more smoothly. 

Little changes, but good ones. 

Cheers,
Sarah

Preemptive Strike

New Year's Day is just around the corner, and with that comes the dreaded Resolution. Guaranteed to be broken or given up by the end of January, am I right?

Not this time. 

I'm going to post some actual numbers. Now numbers are really just numbers, but they give a reference point. So that next December, when I am writing about how I just climbed Mt. Warning, or how freaking amazing I feel, I can look back and see just how far I've come. 

Current weight: 86.8 (this was done in the evening, so may be wildly different first thing in the morning, which is when I plan on doing it normally. Will check in the morning. 

Current waist measurement: 111 cm. Yikes. Considering that the Heart Foundation of Australia says above 88cm is putting my health at high risk, that's pretty confronting. 

Yes, my friends. I'm getting real. Real-er than I was, at any rate. Time to put on my big-girl pants (pun SO NOT INTENDED), and do what I know I need to do. 

Tonight's better choice was to choose a stir-fry instead of a curry, and to skip the rice. It was delicious (Garlic), most of the sauce is left behind in the container, and I feel full. I don't know how to count the calories in it, but I think it's a reasonably healthy option, when put side by side with a creamy red curry, and coconut sticky rice. :)

Tomorrow, I'm going to post some 'before' photos. I want them to be public, so I can remember what 111cm really felt like.  

XO,
Sarah

He's Right (But Keep That Between Us, Okay?)

There's a recurring theme in my life, of serving others and ignoring my own needs. Notice, I said needs - not wants. I ignore those too, but today, I'm dealing with needs. 

I need mental space. Every day, or I start daydreaming of running away and changing my name. 

I need physical space. It's weird - I love to give cuddles, but on my own terms. Especially at the end of the day - I struggle to not shriek "DON'T TOUCH ME!!!" at the unfortunate soul who approaches me to climb aboard. 

I need mindful, intentional eating habits and food choices. I let the noise, clutter, and chaos overwhelm me until I just start eating whatever I find, whenever I find it. This is not exceptionally helpful. 

I need exercise. The benefits of regular activity are well-documented. Personally, I know how much better I feel when I have this as part of my daily routine; I am a better person for it. 

I need "quiet" time, spent in conversation with my Creator. Preferably at the start of each day, but even when it's an ongoing discussion throughout the day, I notice a difference. 

Why do I push these needs aside continually? I can't be the only person to do that, can I? 

It starts the night before, when my children are finally in bed and asleep. I need to get everything ready for the next morning, and get to bed by 9pm - but I have a husband who is a bit of a night owl, and I feel I should spend time with him, so I go to bed at 10-ish. He doesn't ask me to, it's a choice I make. The late bedtime, combined with often broken sleep means that getting up at 5am is a big ask. Then I have lost almost my only chance for exercise, mental/physical space, and I am feeling "behind" for the rest of the day. Which leads to erratic food choices, and high levels of stress. Everything becomes a huge deal, and I find it impossible to get back "on track", or prioritise anything.

The other day I declared to my husband that next year was going to be different. I would focus more on my needs. His response made me think. He said "Why wait? Shouldn't you do that now?" 

Hmm. Maybe? 

Probably, but how? How do I say "no" to other things, in order to say "yes" to my own needs? For that matter, what things will I choose to say "no" to? How do I decide?

Just some thoughts from a brain in serious overload. :)

XO, Sarah

So...maybe a *teeny* bit crazy?

So. 

I haven't been feeling all that positive about my body lately. The humid, sticky summer has descended, and I've been feeling overwhelmed by the month of December. Excited about Christmas, Ecstatic about the end of the school year, but seriously drowning in paperwork, social engagements, tired children, and my diet and exercise have reflected it. Lots of poor choices, hurried meals, late meals after the children go to bed, sneaky treats in a vain attempt to soothe my jingle-jangled nerves. 

The weather has meant that my clothing is just uncomfortable, full stop. I want to spend the next three months in the paddling pool, in my swimmers. Since I can't do that, I have to figure out a different way to cope. I have to stop loathing my body, and start loving it. Loving it by feeding it food that will nourish and sustain it. Loving it by giving it exercise. (This doesn't feel very loving at present. It feels rather like punishment, and I'm walking VERY slowly!) 

In short, I have to stop confusing self-abuse with kindness.

Yesterday, I was in the bathroom -I'd popped in to put something away, and I looked in the mirror, which I rarely do. I'm not able to look in the mirror and think kind thoughts about what I see, so I avoid doing it. But this time, I forced myself to make eye contact with my reflection, and to speak kindly to her. Imagining that she was a dear friend, I said all the things I would easily say to someone else, but find so impossible to say to myself. It felt a bit mad, and I debated writing about this (generally, confessing that you talk to yourself in the third person is frowned upon), but I want this space to be real, and it doesn't get much more real than admitting I talk to myself!

I said to her that she will not change a thing until she can see what others have seen; she is beautiful, she is made in God's own image. That in the history of all creation, there has never been another like her. That she is loved beyond measure. It felt weird to look myself in the eye. I can't seem to reconcile the image in the mirror with the image in my mind. And I don't like that I am so critical of someone's appearance. My own, that is. Maybe it's that I can't see the beauty inside, and it colours how I see the outside. 

Whatever the cause, I am choosing to speak kindly to the woman in the mirror, choosing to love her right where she is, choosing to nurture her and be her friend. Because she looks as though she needs a friend like me. 

XO, 
Sarah